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Substitution
This method works for every urine test, every time (provided that some
conditions are met). You simply give them clean urine (not yours). This
works very well if you are not supervised. If you are going to be supervised,
try to talk them out of it. Someone told me they were going to be monitored,
and they said "I don't want you to fuckin' watch me piss!" So the
supervisor
waited outside; probably with his/her ear to the door to listen for opening
containers. Members in active duty are often watched as the urine ows from
source to destination (but substitution will even work on this test, as you
will
nd out). Abbie Ho man, author of "Stealing This Urine Test," suggested
leaving a few drops of urine on the seat or on your shoe for as "an added
measure of authenticity."
Substitution Methods
There are three methods, but two of them are painful, and you have to be
determined to use them. The most common way to sneak in urine is in a
concealed container.
Concealed Container
Simply conceal the urine in a container. The rst time you are alone with
the container they give you, dump in your concealed urine. Be sure you can
quietly open the container; the lab personnel may be just outside the door
listening. You may be required to change into a gown. If so, a condom or
douche bag holding the sample and taped around the thigh can be concealed
under the gown. You can also run a plastic line from a exible container
and tape it to your urination equipment (to be gender neutral), and even
piss under supervision. Females have been known to keep a condom with the
urine sample in the vagina, and prick it with a sharp ngernail to piss under
supervision. Be sure to keep the sample between 91 and 97 degrees.
Injection
There is a way to use substitution even when you are under the strictest su-
pervision. Athletes trying to pass tests for anabolic steroids have been known
to empty their bladders, and have the substituted urine injected directly
into
their bladders via needle. It was shown in a motion picture like "Wildcats"
I
believe. While theoretically possible, it's painful and subject to infection.
It
would certainly be the most senseless way to get clean urine into the testees
bladder. If this must be done, catheterization should be used.
Catheterization
First void your bladder as you would with injection. Run a thin plastic tube
to the bladder. (Males must insert the tube into the opening of the penis,
go
through the urethra and into the bladder.) Catheterization done on females
is not as unpleasant as it is for males. Then inject the clean urine into
the
bladder via catheter. Catheterization is less painful, safer, and more e ective.
Infection is still possible.
Where to Get Clean Urine
Urine From A Donor
You can substitute someone else's urine. Ask your urine donor (hopefully
a friend you can trust) what drugs they've taken in the last month. They
may have taken a false positive (or a true positive for that matter). Before
the test, the examiner will likely ask you to list everything you've taken.
If
the urine ages beyond 18 hours, deterioration becomes noticable and the lab
may suspect something.
Powdered Urine
If you don't trust your friend's sample, or don't have any clean friends,
you can get powdered urine from Martha Butter eld-Jay Foundation. It's
produced by Byrd Labs, and supposedly works perfectly; however, I got
MBJF's powdered urine, and it did not specify the age or gender of the
original sample. Powdered urine must be prepared ahead of time. If there is
a period of time that you are clean, you can make powdered urine from your
own supply.
Making Your Own Powdered Urine
Urinate in a glass container. Let it evaporate. Then scrape the inside for
the concentrate. Just mix it with water before the test, and the sample will
have the correct speci c gravity, pH, color, etc.
Dog Urine
I heard from Dr. Grow that dog urine (of all things) can be substituted,
and will pass the test! However, I don't know how an age, gender, pH, or
creatinine test would result. Someone was able to use dog urine for several
months to pass the test. This subsection assumes you have a clean dog. I
know my dog's urine wouldn't pass; he eats more weed than humans do.
It would make more sense to use human urine, but dog urine provides a
workable substitution in an emergency.